Some days I don't realize what's really happened until I'm taking a shower. Does that ever happen to you? I don't know if it's the running water that soothes and closes off the rest of the world that allows for such clarity to seep in. Or perhaps it's that I finally stop thinking and give myself a break, and all of a sudden my mind is able to connect things together. Anyway, my conclusion: my most cohesive thoughts and clearest ideas often come in the shower.
Like the other day, I conned my sister to come over to my new place after work...luring her with wine, because I needed her to edit a project for me (she's so fancy like that). What happened? While cooking dinner and chatting, I drank all the wine and Em put together the Ikea couch I had stacked in piles in the corner. She saw it there- I had unpacked it, stacked it up, but obviously hadn't made an attempt to figure it out. I was fine with letting it sit there for days- I had conquered so many to-do lists with the move and my brain was quite fried. I was like: why are beads of sweat coming down her face? I didn't ask her to build it; she just did it. She knew it needed to be done, and, like a boss, took the task into her own hands. (note: I don't think there are many people who could have built this thing solo. Emily, folks...she's an assertive one.)
Every time I anticipate feeling overwhelmed with dealing with so many things by myself, I'm not alone. I've had different people swoop in to force me to purge clothes that for some reason I still have from my high school years in Georgia, accompany me as I unload and explore a new hood, eat cupcakes and champagne with me, send me links to all their favorite apartment ideas, organize me, dance with me, dream with me. Meg is like a mega organizer. Emily is a do-er. Caitlyn stopped by to eat lunch and catch up, and after our (delicious) kale salads, we were on the floor talking the highs and lows of relationships. Meanwhile, I didn't even notice that we were unpacking more boxes and building some lamps. (let there be light!) Like where did all of these angels come from?? Seriously?? #soblessed
Who needs a boyfriend when your sister can set up your internet on your TV, build your couch and bed, edit your videos, and pick out your wine glasses at Ikea when you're in the middle of a sugar-crash-meltdown after eating 2 bags of Swedish Fish? (Guys, there's like soooo many rooms in that store before you get to the kitchen stuff. Ikea is exhausting. The BIGGEST sugar crash.)
I've always (tried) to prioritize people in my life. I try not to be too distracted with my own world to pick up on when a friend needs me to hop on over with wine in my sweats or send the sensible text filled with messages that only emojis can express. I'm not perfect at it, but I crave to love those dear to me. And when I was in the shower at the end of that day exhaling all the grime-- all the sweat from my 6 layers of clothing I wore out in the snow after dance class and the wine stains that dripped on me accidentally throughout the evening and the residue red lipstick from the biz meeting at the top of the day... I'm like: oh, wait. I may live alone in this new apartment. But I'm not alone.
Oh how I'm loved. Oh how lovely is community and family. They show up to do one thing, and they take care of what needs to be taken care of.
It makes you suddenly realize after shampooing and conditioning your hair (I mean dreadlocks by the end of the day when scarves are involved, am I right?) -- maybe the love you give to others isn't going into the infinite abyss. And maybe the love and care given to me is not going there either. Maybeeeee the love given and received is noticed and it means something. We were planting lupine seeds and we didn't even realize it. It's this wonderful circle effect that I hope keeps on giving.
And on that cold snowy night, when the temperature was barely two digits and the sun was only shining several hours a day... there was so much warmth. I sat on a couch that was built with tunes playing on the TV that I couldn't figure out, drinking wine in my towel after this shower, and I exhaled months of stress. I found a new happy place.
notes:
- a visit to ikea brooklyn can be a pleasant and cheap field trip. i'd suggest taking the free water taxi, planning to eat once you get there (especially if you're into meatballs), and avoiding the weekends.
- making good friends is not overrated.
- don't let to-do lists rule your world.