thankful in new york city

Forward: I intended to write this post a month ago. Or a year and a month ago, when my family came to spend Thanksgiving in New York City and I was going to share all the things you should do. The thing is, I got caught up doing them. And then it was Christmas, and there are so many Top 5 Lists of Best Things To Do fighting for 10 seconds of your eyeballs’ time all over the internet, and I didn’t know if the world neeeeeded another. So, of course, I planned to do it this year (since I knew all the things you should do), and I have alas failed again. Meg has been holding down the Lupine fort (I’m very grateful—even though she’s super busy) while I’ve been in a transition the past few months taking on some more clients and work projects. I’m thankful for the work and the opportunities, but when you work in social media and creating online content, I’ve been a little adverse to wanting to spend more time on the internet or in front of a screen in my downtime. I’ve had some Lupine adventures and many many thoughts (I have all the feelings), and I’m hoping to start sharing those again here over the next few months. Finding balance is key— and Lupine is a kind, peaceful, inspired sharing space— not our jobs. (maybe someday? #dreams) So for some catch up and that Thanksgiving post… 

This year I created my own Thanksgiving in New York City, deciding to see my family at Christmas. Last year we checked NYC Thanksgiving off our #FreemanAdventure bucket list and drank hot cider at the Macy’s Parade on the Upper Westside in the rain, saw the balloons being blown up the day before at the Museum of Natural History, gazed at all of the holiday windows on 5th Avenue, strolled the Christmas markets in Union Square, walked the Highline, ate at our favorite spots, and of course saw a few Broadway shows. (support live theatre people!!) Unfortunately it was cold and rainy most of the time, but we enjoyed it anyways…it’s hard for NYC to NOT be magical during the holidays.

fam on highline

A year later, of course the weather was unseasonably warm, and they are not here to do all of the things! Ha! Instead, I slept in, hopped to my couch at 9am to watch all of the Broadway performances at the top of the Macy’s parade in my pajamas. My boyfriend and I slowly got ourselves out of the house and biked/skated over a few avenues and caught the end of the parade as it headed down 6th Ave from Central Park. This is the way to do it— performances on TV at home, and then the last few balloons in person. Quite a few people who had probably been lined up since 6am were heading out by the time we rolled up around 10:45, and it was such a chill crowd. And 20 minutes later, Santa rolls by, and we have the streets to ourselves, so we decided to head up into Central Park.

The day couldn’t have been more perfect, what all of the tourists could only have imagined New York City to be in the Fall… the sun was out, the colors were vibrant, and the leaves were slowly floating down as we moved through the park. There wasn’t a person without a smile on. We cheered during “showtime” in front of the bandshell, laid in the grass and looked up into the sky, and grinned at the local sax player- he just makes my heart so happy. We picked up a few last minute ingredients on our way back home to make some family favorites, cooked the rest of the afternoon, watched holiday movies, had friends stop by, and of course ate way too much. (you HAVE to.) The day was so surprisingly calm and savory. Thanksgiving was different than last year, but I’m still grateful for both. Did I mention I woke up to a small real Christmas tree in my apartment my boyfriend threw in the back of an Uber with a Radio City Christmas Spectacular santa hat on top several nights before? 

Moral: Celebrate Thanksgiving? Eat food with those you love?

thanksgiving dinner
my little christmas tree

Today marks a year since a small/giant miracle happened. I’ve officially been in my own apartment that I won in the NYC Housing Lottery for an entire year…ahhhh. I think it took about 9 of those months for me to actually believe they weren’t going to call and say, “Ooops! We made a mistake!” or “You forgot to do XXX so unfortunately…” and kick me out. I started to settle in and create a new home and new season of life of my own. I finished off my year of being #twentyGREAT and turned #twentyFINE at the beginning of December. I met my boyfriend in the Village the night before my birthday and we went to a bar hidden on top of a Five Guys where my friends surprised me with jazz hands, smiling hearts, and pink cupcakes. I’ll tell you, it’s really awesome to have a group of friends that know you and love you. That’s what we all actually want— to be known. And loved. Really loved, because they actually know you. Not just love the idea of you or what you often pretend to be. It’s rare to find. And it’s a lot of work, and long nights, and desperate phone calls, and waiting rooms, and bottles of wine, but it’s oh so worth it. Your tribe is the best thing you can invest in. And I’m so thankful for this intimate community I have; it’s what makes my life rich. 

surprise birthday #twentyfine

Each year I choose a word or a mantra to focus on - to heal, to be happy, to be free, to go do all of the things - and I’m thinking #twentyFINE will be a year of action. A year of creating and fulfilling all of these plans and dreams and wishes we keep talking about. I follow-through on ideas for my clients and work projects, and I’m working on building a creative lifestyle where I also have just as much (if not more) creative energy and focus to invest in my own work. I have too many ideas that I haven’t followed-through on; what am I waiting for? I’ve spent some time away from the dance community to hear my own thoughts instead of just following the herds. So, now that I’ve found some clarity and rejuvenation, it’s time to do something with it. #twentyFINE (like a glass of wine) = to CREATE. Create art, dances, stories, relationships, community, experiences, journeys that I believe in. Ones that matter. 

birthday friends
birthday friends kiss
birthday #twentyfine

Andddd I just spent the last two weeks in the Swiss Alps and German Christmas Markets…so let the games begin! (don’t worry, you will be flooded with all of the german-austrian-swiss stories very soon. hint: it’s true, the hills ARE alive.)

Let's kick Christmas ass, shall we? 

And one last parting gift from the goddess Cheryl Strayed:

Stop worrying about whether you’re fat. You’re not fat. Or, rather, you’re sometimes a little bit fat, but who gives a shit. There’s nothing more boring and fruitless and than a woman lamenting the fact that her stomach is round. Feed yourself. Literally. The sort of people worthy of your love will love you more for this.

Happy Holidays!

birthday wishes, nyc

A few years ago I had that big scary thing happen. I know we all have had ours, and mine paralyzed me internally for quite a while. (I've now learned that's a little thing called grief.) Each year since I've tried to focus on an empowering word or mantra every birthday- something to look forward to, cling onto, and get out of that hole.

First it was to HEAL- to have the courage for the very painful and very patient process of healing. Stop picking the scabs back open. Stop pretending. Feeling the feelings- letting them wash over me, but not drown me. Tread that water. 

The next year it was to be HAPPY- to find freedom and enjoy life and all of its joys again. It may have been an indulgent year and involved cupcakes, Coronas, and frequent visits with the ocean. It felt like that was the next step of healing and finding the Grace that I thought was lost. To heal enough to enjoy life again.

Last year it was to be BRAVE- I had healed, I was enjoying life again, but now it was time to start making moves. Time to be bolder in life and take some risks in relationships, performing pursuits, and career ventures. The Grace before that big bad thing was pretty freaking bold, fearless, creative, and so eager for life. I craved to have her back. I felt I had become comfortable, had grown my skin back over those wounds, and I got my heart pumping, skin tanned, hair untamed, and feet dancing again. I had survived some bad things, and stood by some friends during theirs... What did I have to be afraid of? It was time to cut the cord from fear and things that didn't serve me and move on. 

What a year it has been... and I hope continues to be.

This year? I've got two. Cause I can and I make up the rules. They are TO GO & TO GIVE LESS OF A F***! Time to stop waiting for people to come around or change- that's on them. Time to stop waiting for opportunity and embrace entrepreneurship, because this city (and this world and this generation) is full of people hustling and creating their own opportunities. And I'm all about creating! We can spend our whole life waiting. Or waiting to do something until we've got everything perfectly lined up (aka perfection paralysis). Not when you're twentyGREAT. 

This blog serves as a reminder to look for those little beauties in the world around us as well as an exciting challenge to explore new places (and my lovely adventure partner Meg is an extra bonus)! And I'm thankful we keep discovering new things in the city I've lived in for nine and a half years now. 

If you haven't figured out what lupines represent yet (hint: read this), they stand for finding beauty in the world, whether that's in a new place or a very familiar place, and planting them too. The beauties sitting around the table with me last night as I celebrated another year are lupines for me and some of my most cherished possessions. I don't know what could be a better gift than to be able to look around you and see the eyes of love, of people who have walked with you through your story, have cried and giggled with you, have challenged you, and who know you so well. Isn't that what we all want? To be known, like really known? I couldn't feel richer. They're scattered all over the country, but I'm thankful I got to dance with some of my lupines last night. 

grace birthday wish

notes:

-we ate at bodega negra... some nice fancy mexican food and lovely decor. i mean i'd eat guacamole for every meal if i could. it was a nice crowd for a Monday night, but I fear it's quite different on the weekends. beware: later in the eve, it becomes #locomonday

-billy's cupcakes are currently better than all else. (they've beat magnolia for a few years now) the TWO i consumed last night: banana nutella & of course one with pink icing! 

***yes, the only notes are about food.