be careful what you wish for

Over the past few weeks, I have been figuring out how to maintain some sort of balance in my life.  And I get that this will always be a work in progress but I am feeling pretty good about it these days.  Maybe it's because this summer sun has me all sorts of happy.  Or maybe it's because I greatly overestimated how crazy my life would be at this point.  Granted I am only a three weeks into the swing of school, work, summer, etc., but so far so good.

With yesterday's festivities, I knew that my cousin Colin would be around in our hometown and that he would totally be up for a mini-adventure.  We set our sights on an early run at Connetquot River State Park for Sunday morning.

The only time we were running 'together.'

To be completely honest, I have fallen off the running wagon these past couple of weeks.  I would like to blame this entirely on an injury but there has also been just a lack of motivation.  No bueno.  It's funny because I am feeling fairly motivated in other parts of my life.  It's almost like I only have so much brain capacity for willpower.  At the end of the day, all I want is ice cream and my bed.  I hoped that by getting my feet dirty I would feel re-inspired to stick with my training plan or you know at least run a couple times a week.  If I had known what these trails had in store for me, I probably would have cut back on that whole I need motivation thing.

This running buddy is more my speed.

As we made our way to the park, the skies opened up and it started to pour.  Not to be deterred, we continued to the trail and accepted that we would be thoroughly soaked.  Looking back, I should have been thankful for the rain because at least it wasn't hot.  After a couple of miles, the rain stopped and the air became stagnant, sticky, and steamy.  Not my favorite.  And to make matters worse, with this insanely humid weather came swarms of insects which were mostly horseflies.  Stupidly, when I first saw them encroaching in my space I thought what funny looking moths.  I know.  I am just as disappointed in myself as you are.  They let me know pretty quickly that they were merciless bloodsuckers and hence became my primary running motivation. 

I spent the remaining 3-4 miles of my run alternating between swinging my arms in the air above and around my head and smacking myself all over my body in a sad attempt to keep them off of me.  The shear number of bugs was ridiculous.  Also, at this point my feet were audibly squishing in my sneakers and with each stride I was generously sprinkled with sand and mud.  I was uncomfortable, looked absolutely ridiculous, and knew that there was no way I could stop. I could have been angry about it or at the very least frustrated but all I could do was laugh. I mean I got exactly what I asked for.

I should have known better when this swamp was at the start of the trail.

notes:

- if you drive to connetquot, you must pay to park there ($8 per vehicle).  you can alternatively bike, run, or horseback ride in and avoid a fee.  with that in mind, be aware of horses while exploring this park and remember that they always have right of way.

- get a map when you enter the park or use gps on your phone.  i am pretty familiar with this park as i used to horseback ride here and i still managed to get turned around making my planned 3-4 mile run a 5-6 mile run.  you can imagine how thrilled i was to be running for an even longer time with my horsefly friends.

- no fathers were neglected in the execution of this activity.  they were of course invited and shockingly decided that spending the morning indoors and dry was a better option.  don't fret - there was plenty of adventuring that afternoon (evidence below).

all work and no play

I started work, class, sleep, repeat schedule a couple of weeks ago at which point I figured all fun activities would cease to exist.  I try to be realistic with myself as much as possible so I had gotten it in my brain that life would be, for the time being, all work and no play.  Let me tell you - I require a fair amount of play to maintain my sanity. 

Within three days of committing myself to that schedule, I found myself driving out to LI in search of an adventure.  It just so turned out that my travel buddy was back in New York for the weekend.  I spent the better part of Saturday in her parents’ backyard making a fool of myself while playing around with a GoPro.  And it was glorious.

I realize that this lifestyle adjustment has just started and maybe some people (myself included at times) would view it as a bad sign that I am already escaping but I have decided to place it in the category of self-care.  There really isn’t a substitute for good people and the great outdoors, even when that outdoors is just a backyard swimming pool. 

It’s so easy to feel guilty about not spending every minute of every day being productive.  I know this is especially true in NYC but my guess is that it rings true in most places.  We all love to inform each other of the various plates we’re spinning and I think there’s some sick sense of satisfaction with a fully booked schedule.  We get warped into this mindset of regurgitating the weekly to do lists and our conversations turn into repeating mostly the facts of one’s life rather than the thoughts and feelings that go along with it.  Don’t get me wrong - I think there is value in sharing both aspects of one’s life.  It’s part of how we relate to one another but when I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of judging myself by what’s written on my CV, it’s a dangerous place and frankly not a very happy one.  And to be completely honest, it leads to a place of judging others as well because if I am managing all the crazy in my life why can’t you get all of your stuff together?  That’s not only unfair but also mean and I would really rather not be a jerk.

With all this in mind, I am embracing my wandering spirit and taking the time for breaks and reprieve.  There’s value in not taking oneself too seriously, at least there is for me, so I am going to focus on pursuing that and worry less about the never-ending list of checkboxes.  Besides which summer time is one of the best times and I need to make sure I get my fill of salt air in my lungs and dirt under my feet.

notes:

- fire island is one of my happy places.  to insert yourself into the beachy pics, take the lirr to patchogue and hop on a ferry to either watch hill or davis park.  you can walk to the ferry terminal from the train station or one of the cabbies there would be happy to give you a ride.

- if you enjoy water-based shenanigans as much as i do, i recommend picking up a gopro.  and by picking one up, i mean saving your pennies because these things are pretty pricey but oh so worth it.

- disclaimer: don’t worry mom, i am still getting my schoolwork done and fulfilling my job responsibilities.

sunken meadow state park, ny

I started classes a couple of weeks ago and I’m not going to lie.  This whole find time to run in between full-time work and full-time school is not going so well.  Actually, finding time to do anything other than my job and classes during the week has proven to be rather difficult.  I spend Friday evenings attempting to reconnect with friends I had to cancel or ignore throughout the week which really does not feel good. (Mea culpa, mea culpa).  That being said, I have managed to sneak in a few runs and activities to keep me a sane person and hopefully somewhat on track for September’s race. 

This past weekend I took advantage of the break in rain and checked out Sunken Meadow State Park out on Long Island.  I am in love.  I have been to this park a few times before when hiking the greenbelt as part of a family Thanksgiving tradition but never to run the trails.  When asking my cousin where he recommended I run this weekend, he immediately replied Sunken Meadow.  And being the swell guy he is, he even mapped out a path for me to make my miles.  Cousins are the best.

He also recommended I arrive at the park early to avoid the picnicking crowds.  I did not follow this advice and somewhat regret that decision.  I saw somewhat because I really love people watching and there were all sorts of people enjoying the outdoors on a very sunny Sunday.  There were families playing soccer and barbecuing up a feast, kids climbing up into the trees, impromptu baseball games using sticks for bats, and music.  So much music. 

As soon as I left the picnic areas and made my way for the trail, the crowds disappeared and I could no longer make out the Latin beats.  Instead I was completely consumed by the LI Sound to my left and the hills up ahead.  Having not run on a trail with any kind of elevation for a few weeks, they burned.  But it also was so much fun just to get out and stretch my legs.  The only other people I saw were a couple going through a proposal/break-up (I’m really not sure which and yes, it was super awkward for me to literally run into it.)  and some disgruntled yogis (shouldn’t that be an oxymoron?).  At the end of my jog, I cooled down on the boardwalk and breathed in some salt air while cooling off with the seaside breeze.  All in all it was a lovely way to spend the afternoon.

 How was your weekend?

wanderlust wednesday : north fork, li

The forecast looks prime for an outdoor adventure this weekend.  And with the start of strawberry season, there is no place I would rather be than exploring the North Fork farms and vineyards on the east end of Long Island.  Here's what I think a perfect day on the North Fork would look like:

U-Pick Strawberries

It turns out one of my favorite strawberry places is closed for u-pick this year but Garden of Eve Farm in Riverhead is a pretty sweet place too (pun always intended).  I prefer my farms organic whenever possible but there are other u-pick farms in the area if that’s not your jam (I can’t help myself).

Bike Ride through Mattituck

I mean there is a road called Lovers Lane with bookstores and a little café.  The adorableness is almost too much to handle.  Also, the bicycle is the ideal way to mosey about the east end.  You avoid the traffic and get to take in the sights and sounds of the farms and sea shore.

Sunset Booze and Blues

Ok, so there isn’t actually an event called this but there should be.  My ideal evening includes sitting in a vineyard and listening to some live music while probably eating way too much cheese.  Some of my favorite places to do this are  Pindar, Martha Clara, and Lieb.

 Where are you dreaming of escaping to on this wanderlust Wednesday?

notes:

- to get to the north fork from nyc, take the lirr to mattituck.  if you are bringing your bicycle (highly recommended) be sure to get a permit to take it on the train.

- the vineyards listed are for their live music... not necessarily their wine.  i usually enjoy what paumanok has to offer.

- these photos are from grace's and my very own north fork adventure last summer. we need to repeat that this year and add in some wine tasting. just saying. ​

our hoppy easter

I moved to New York 10 years ago, and it's always been a no-brainer to go home for the holidays. I've only missed two Thanksgivings with my family (one I was in China for... so it's kind of far) and we've been together for every Christmas. The thought of being apart doesn't sit right -- Christmas wouldn't feel like Christmas without the smells of my mother's kitchen and her hand-stitched stockings or the little last minute things that make my dad (ahhhmmm "santa") all giddy. Thanksgiving wouldn't feel like Thanksgiving without reuniting around a table for our favorite activity: eating ourselves into a food coma. (We're really good at it, don't be jealous).  If I was away from my family around that time of the year, I would probably throw myself quite the pity party. 

However, since coming to NYC, I never went home for Easter, and I never felt like I was missing out. Sure, we celebrated Easter growing up, but we didn't really have any steady traditions once my youngest sibling was too old to scavenger hunt for plastic Easter eggs around the yard. (We know there's one hiding inside the grill, dad). When Meg invited me out to her family's house for Easter, I was up for it, and I've been hooked ever since. You had me at sunrise bike to the beach... 

First, we leave the house at 6:30am, and no matter how early we go to sleep the night before, it's torture. But you throw on as many layers on as possible, and hop on the bike that her dad set out for you...and try to catch up with him. That brisk air wakes you right up, you pedal for your life, and about 5-10 minutes later you pull up to a small gazebo on the beach. And you see that sunrise and that beach and peace enters your heart. A friendly face offers you hot cocoa and a program as you join the group of people in a few songs, prayer, and some reflective passages. (And if you're from the Bible Belt like me, it's the best church service ever as it's 20 minutes long!) There's something so hopeful to me to see the sun rise, think of how big the world is, and be amongst a group of strangers singing old familiar melodies. And also to look over to this family that isn't mine and feel as though I belong. 

The rest of the day is filled with brunch, lots of sugar, adult beverages, and games made for children under the age of 6, which always makes for a fun combination (since we're all 30ish and above).

One year I missed Easter because my grandfather passed away, and I went to go be with my own family. Not only did Meg's mom send me a card and a basket of goodies that I missed, so did her aunt! I realized I truly did have my own seat at their table, I wasn't just a plus one. I'm so grateful to be welcomed into a tradition that I now claim as my own. Easter won't feel like Easter unless I'm freezing and riding a bike to the beach at sunrise and relapsing from a tipsy sugar coma in the afternoon. 

I'm thankful for a surrogate family full of such joy, hospitality, and laughter. I can only hope I can offer this to others. Though this post is a little late, hope you had a HOPPY Easter. Because I'm an adult and am easily amused. 

happy new year

I’m not one for making a big to do over the changing of years.  Usually I slowly accept that one year is coming to an end and then a bit reluctantly make my way into the next.  I would like to blame my lack of enthusiasm on my inability to function past 10 pm but really it is because there is just too much pressure on one night.  Add that to me not being much of a drinker, startling easily from loud noises, and as a general rule avoiding crowds, and my attitude toward the holiday is not surprising.  My favorite New Year’s Eve thus far has been an evening of cooking with a few friends and then lounging in front of a fire while sipping champagne.  We may have even missed the ball dropping (Full disclosure: I didn't even realize what the ball drop was, as in what I was supposed to be paying attention to, until I was about 20 years old.  I grew up in New York.  This should be standard knowledge.)

This year I found myself with a small group of friends, eating too many snacks, and snuggling with a family member’s pup as the new year rang in.   I was grumpy before I made my way over and I was grumpy after.  In fact, I've been kind of a crank pot since this year started.  Not exactly the way we are told to bring in a new year.  If I am following social media trends, the start of a new year should align with me actively pursuing my best self.  The one who makes good choices, eats right, takes time to exercise, loves others well, practices self-care, etc. I have not been my best self though.  I’ve been quick to anger, full of constant complaints, and unhappy with myself and those around me.  In other words, I have been an absolute joy to be around.

I could make up excuses for behaving and thinking this way - the end of Christmas season blues, a succession of personal trials, and feeling letdown by friends - but if I am being honest, it’s time to get over myself and great the new year.  I’ve never been one for resolutions but in light of my current Debbie Downer self, I am thinking of instituting some goals for the year.  Instead of being specific outcomes, I am leaning towards some general principles that I think would encourage a better self and perhaps make me a little bit less focused on what goes on in my own head.

Firstly, I value being a conscientious consumer so I am working towards making purchases from companies that put people and the environment first.  I actually started this back in October but it’s an ongoing process.  The lack of information concerning sources for clothing, food, and skin products is pretty disheartening.  I would have thought with how trendy sustainability and corporate responsibility have become that finding company policies wouldn’t be as difficult as it has proven to be.  Although, a positive outcome from not being able to easily find products that meet my standards means that I have purchased very few things. Ten points for the savings account.

Secondly, I am my happiest when I am outdoors in nature.  However, when I've been holed up in front of a computer all day and it’s cold outside and nature feels so far away from my urban abode, I tend to neglect that part of my life.  I am focusing on making exploration in the great outdoors a priority so that it’s incorporated into my life's rhythms as opposed to being a reward or an escape at the end of the week.

Thirdly, when life gets busy, I have strong hermit tendencies and while I am a tried and true introvert, I need community.  People are social creatures, even us loner types, and hanging out with various types of folks makes us all happier people.  In the past, I've been more of a community consumer than a contributor which allowed me to lazily tag along to someone else's idea rather than be the one to initiate plans.  In light of this recent realization, I've been making a conscious effort to seek out others, especially when I get stuck in a cycle of work, home, bed, repeat.

So those are my 2015 goals - conscientious consumer, pursuer of outdoor adventures, and community contributor. I'm already feeling better about this year.

note:

- these photos were taken on new year's day at Heckscher State Park out on Long Island. it's a great park to cure some of those winter blues or, you know, chat about life's ups and downs with a best friend while taking your brother's dog for a walk.