be careful what you wish for

Over the past few weeks, I have been figuring out how to maintain some sort of balance in my life.  And I get that this will always be a work in progress but I am feeling pretty good about it these days.  Maybe it's because this summer sun has me all sorts of happy.  Or maybe it's because I greatly overestimated how crazy my life would be at this point.  Granted I am only a three weeks into the swing of school, work, summer, etc., but so far so good.

With yesterday's festivities, I knew that my cousin Colin would be around in our hometown and that he would totally be up for a mini-adventure.  We set our sights on an early run at Connetquot River State Park for Sunday morning.

The only time we were running 'together.'

To be completely honest, I have fallen off the running wagon these past couple of weeks.  I would like to blame this entirely on an injury but there has also been just a lack of motivation.  No bueno.  It's funny because I am feeling fairly motivated in other parts of my life.  It's almost like I only have so much brain capacity for willpower.  At the end of the day, all I want is ice cream and my bed.  I hoped that by getting my feet dirty I would feel re-inspired to stick with my training plan or you know at least run a couple times a week.  If I had known what these trails had in store for me, I probably would have cut back on that whole I need motivation thing.

This running buddy is more my speed.

As we made our way to the park, the skies opened up and it started to pour.  Not to be deterred, we continued to the trail and accepted that we would be thoroughly soaked.  Looking back, I should have been thankful for the rain because at least it wasn't hot.  After a couple of miles, the rain stopped and the air became stagnant, sticky, and steamy.  Not my favorite.  And to make matters worse, with this insanely humid weather came swarms of insects which were mostly horseflies.  Stupidly, when I first saw them encroaching in my space I thought what funny looking moths.  I know.  I am just as disappointed in myself as you are.  They let me know pretty quickly that they were merciless bloodsuckers and hence became my primary running motivation. 

I spent the remaining 3-4 miles of my run alternating between swinging my arms in the air above and around my head and smacking myself all over my body in a sad attempt to keep them off of me.  The shear number of bugs was ridiculous.  Also, at this point my feet were audibly squishing in my sneakers and with each stride I was generously sprinkled with sand and mud.  I was uncomfortable, looked absolutely ridiculous, and knew that there was no way I could stop. I could have been angry about it or at the very least frustrated but all I could do was laugh. I mean I got exactly what I asked for.

I should have known better when this swamp was at the start of the trail.

notes:

- if you drive to connetquot, you must pay to park there ($8 per vehicle).  you can alternatively bike, run, or horseback ride in and avoid a fee.  with that in mind, be aware of horses while exploring this park and remember that they always have right of way.

- get a map when you enter the park or use gps on your phone.  i am pretty familiar with this park as i used to horseback ride here and i still managed to get turned around making my planned 3-4 mile run a 5-6 mile run.  you can imagine how thrilled i was to be running for an even longer time with my horsefly friends.

- no fathers were neglected in the execution of this activity.  they were of course invited and shockingly decided that spending the morning indoors and dry was a better option.  don't fret - there was plenty of adventuring that afternoon (evidence below).

it's the little things, like dreams coming true

Last Friday night Meg and I had a very classic New York City evening of dinner and the theatre. It was an especially special treat...as we got to see one of my very best friends in his first Broadway show, Mr. Drew King. (Oh and the show is On the 20th Century starring the lovely Kristin Chenoweth and Peter Gallagher... even though Drew is our star!) 

Drew and his tap dancing quartet stole the show. I mean just look at them:

Can you tell I'm proud? Well, I'm certainly not the only one. I met Drew years ago in tap class. We performed one of our first big NYC gigs together, we became roommates and lived together, and we pounded the pavement together. We bonded over this love for dance, the heartbreak of the hundreds and thousands of hours we were putting into it but not necessarily feeling noticed or successful, and the hope that maybe we'll really get a chance to "make it" someday. We just wanted the opportunity to try. (We also bonded over our love of Bon Iver, red wine, kale, traveling, boy problems...and lots of other "human" things too.) We'd have this cycle of encouraging the other through the rejection of the business-  "You can't give up!" "Hard work will pay off!" "Work ethic and kindness don't go unnoticed!" "You're not fat!" "You're not too skinny!" "There will be more auditions!" "They don't hate you!" "YOU'RE being CRAZY!" "You ARE NOT crazy!" " I'm sure you didn't sound that bad!" "Here, have some wine." It goes on... And I'm not the only one who had this relationship with him.

For all you non-theatre-folks out there, we're all kind of in the trenches together. Or at least that's how I'd like to look at it. It's easy to feel isolated and discouraged when you're not caught up in a whirlwind of work opportunities, but if you look around you're in the same boat of a lot of people- the whole 300 people in the holding room at every audition are in that boat or they wouldn't need to be auditioning too. And you can either judge the other people down in that trench with you, compete against them, and give them all the side eye, or you can find a few comrades to survive it with. What do you have to lose in finding some trustworthy and encouraging friends to go through this season of life with? Make it a little less discouraging, a little more comical, and a LOT more joyful. 

I've been reading Cheryl Strayed's Tiny Beautiful Things lately, which ranges from advice letters on love, life, loss, relationships, and all things in between. In one letter, she is asked what to do when you're jealous of people who succeed at what you do even if you like them.

“It makes me sick that I don’t feel happy for them, especially when it comes to my close friends, but there it is. When I think of their successes, it only reminds me of what I don’t have.”

— Awful Jealous Person

Besides putting this lady in her place, Strayed taps into how someone else's success doesn't have to define yours.

“I know it’s not easy being an artist. I know the gulf between creation and commerce is so tremendously wide that it’s sometimes impossible not to feel annihilated by it. A lot of artists give up because it’s just too damn hard to go on making art in a culture that by and large does not support its artists. But the people who don’t give up are the people who find a way to believe in abundance rather than scarcity. They’ve taken into their hearts the idea that there is enough for all of us, that success will manifest itself in different ways for different sorts of artist, that keeping the faith is more important than cashing the check, that being genuinely happy for someone else who got something you hope to get makes you genuinely happier too.”

— Cheryl Strayed, aka BOSSSSSSS

When I read this after seeing Drew's show again last week, it made my heart smile. It's the little things. Like being able to be genuinely happy for someone else's success. That's not a little thing, it's actually a big thing. To be able to have joy for others, the ones you've spent years in the trenches with, and to be able to celebrate them. If that doesn't give you hope, I don't know what will. If you don't know Drew, he's one of the most encouraging friends you'll have- and he's got lots of them! He's always busy out supporting someone's show, celebrating a birthday, bringing over a bottle of wine on one of those nights where the extra large bottle of wine in needed, which is why his dream coming true has made so many people incredibly happy and proud. He got his chance! There was a collective gasp heard around the country as his friends far and wide gathered around their TVs to watch our own perform at the Tony Awards. And right at the top of the number, there he is!!! (0:15 below to be exact) 

I had the perfect view of the show that Friday night: I looked over Meg's lap to the aisle across from us where Drew's mom was sitting on the edge of her seat surrounded by his aunts and uncles who drove 5 hours that day to see him perform. She may have been beaming more in that seat than Drew was up on that stage on the other side of the orchestra pit tapping his face off. My heart grew three sizes as we all were so proud in that moment. That's joy. 

Don't you want to be part of a community like that? No matter what industry you're in? I don't know if my creative endeavors will ever make me millions, but this is the rich life. 

notes:

- see On The 20th Century through July 19th and cheer on those porters! 

- support theatre and the arts in general and give us jobs :) 

- if you want to learn how to tap dance, it will make your life happier and it's never too late to start a new hobby! we suggest BDC or STEPs if you're in NYC!

10 must sees for an arizona roadtrip

I don't know about you, but my father is quite excited about planning another family vacation this summer. Who doesn't love a roadtrip? The last few years he's been in a bucket-list mentality: "If we don't go see the Grand Canyon now, then we'll just put it off and never do it." We all nod and go along, and then surprisingly end up on quite the adventure. (We now call this the #freemanadventure.) This year, we're heading to Grand Teton Park, so more on that next month. However, last year we spent an epic week in Arizona... so here are some of the must-sees for all the summer roadtrippers out there: 

1. Arcosanti. This place gives me hope for the future. It's a community surrounding the idea of arcology (architecture + ecology) built over the past few decades by thousands of volunteers. It's a little oasis in the desert and artist haven... Arcosanti is worth stopping by if your driving North from Phoenix. 

2. Sedona. This is a magical place. As anyone who has been will tell you. You can happen upon a mysterious vortex, which is a spot where the Earth's magnetism is thought to have special properties. You can hike and stroll throughout the day, enjoy the shops and cafes, and catch some amazing sunsets. Sunset at Bell Rock Vortex pictured below. PS I woke up like this.

3. Red Rock State Park. While in Sedona, you can hop out into several hiking trails in Red Rock State Park, and you'll basically feel like a badass. I really don't know how people don't die climbing up these things. There are no rails, and you're often climbing up on all fours. It feels like a choose-your-own-adventure, if you're into those types of things. I'm glad we didn't lose someone over the edge and were able to find a nice watering hole to jump into after. 

4. Grand Canyon- South Rim. Yeah yeah, this is definitely the first thing you'll think about hitting up in AZ, right? Well the Grand Canyon is pretty grand. And though you may have seen millions of pictures of it, you've got to see it and climb all over it for yourself. It makes you want to put your hands out in reaction of the grandeur of it all! If you're just driving through, the South Rim has all sorts of trails, walkways, and viewpoints for any level or duration of stay.

5. Antelope Canyon. After spending a few days in Sedona, we headed up to Page, AZ to yes another part of that big hole in the ground we were checking out above. You must check out Antelope Canyon. It's in a Navajo Nation Park, so you'll need to make arrangements with a guide in order to have have access to it. We went to Upper Antelope Canyon, and they're careful about how many people they let in at one time. Our guide was awesome, it was picturesque, and we had a pretty sweet ride there. 

6. Glen Canyon.  Page, AZ may be the smallest town ever. Just a warning. There's not much night life, or food after 9pm for the matter. We spent the day on the first 15 mile stretch of the Colorado River in Glen Canyon. The boys were in heaven hearing the history of it all, and we rafted along the inside of the Grand Canyon's walls that rose thousands of feet on our sides...talk about a different perspective! Oh and we met 12 new friends that were motorcycling across the country. (We didn't make it to Havasu Falls like Meg did. Sad face.)

7. Horseshoe Bend. To finish out the day on the Colorado River, you must get the view of the sun going down above it. We rafted through that bend, and we made the trek out to see it. To get to the viewpoint from where you park your car, it feels like you're walking into a desert-y horizon. I'd have to say people were a little crazy about getting a good photo and were so close the edge that I got nauseous looking at them. One dude put his wife on a leash! 

8. Jerome, AZ. I'd have to admit exploring  Jerome is a bit depressing. It's an old mining town that is stuck in a time warp, because people don't really live there anymore once that industry ran its course. It's worth stopping in for lunch to see what a ghost town looks like.  

9.  Montezuma Castle National Monument. If you're super into history, or your mother is, this stop will appease you. A castle hundreds of years old on the side of a mountain! Montezuma is a quick stop and worth seeing with your own eyes.

10. Poolside. Before you hop back on the plane (or car) you owe yourself a day by the pool. Especially if you find yourself in Phoenix during the summer...it is hot as balls. Your phone can't even handle it. You can relax from your hiking days, stay cool, and prepare yourself for your trip back to reality. For us- that would mean heading back to the East coast. Like a Girlboss. (if you didn't read it last year, get with it.)

notes:

- this was my first adventure with a GoPro & and we may have had fun with it :)

- there are plenty of other things to do in Arizona (now I know!) so this list is merely what we encountered upon our bucket-list-driven-path

- family vacations aren't the worst, but i do recommend finding activities so you don't kill each other 

how to survive: backpacking in the great outdoors

After what seemed like an unbearably long winter and a pretty cool spring, it finally feels like summer.  And that means it's time for me to dust off the ole backpack.  I have no plans yet for where I might go but the possibility of it is enough to motivate me through these next few weeks of classes.  Top contenders are currently Bear Mountain, the Adirondacks, and Fire Island.  If I took a less realistic approach to my current life situation and finances, I would hop on a plane to the Oregon coast in a hot second. 

Backpacking is not for everyone.  As the name implies, it requires you to carry everything on your back and limits the non-necessities one can take (ahem alcohol).  It also necessitates taking care of one's business in the great outdoors and not showering for extended periods of time… not exactly a selling point for most.

Even with those supposed drawbacks, I can't help but love it.  Backpacking is a great reminder of how little we actually need.  And after spending most of my days in a concrete jungle, it's a very welcome break from the daily grind of NYC. If you are like me and are considering a summer backpacking trip, here's what I think you need to survive:

1. Know your limits.

Before heading out, have a clear idea of how far you can hike in a day and how many days you wish to live out of your pack.  Look, I love Cheryl Strayed too but I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that the safer approach would be to work one's way up to a through-hike.  There's nothing worse than hiking 20 miles out, feeling terribly sore from carrying a heavy pack, and knowing that you have to continue to hike in order to get back out to civilization.  I guess the alternative to this would be to plan an escape route but that kind of defeats the purpose of backpacking a bit.  

2. Travel with friends.

I am all for the solo backpacking trips, despite any prior negative experiences.  However (and that is a big however) if you have never gone backpacking before, I would highly recommend that you bring a buddy.  This will also help lighten up your load as you can divide and conquer heavier items such as your tent.

3. Bring lots of snacks.

Yes, these things are heavy but as a bonus you eat down the weight on your back so every time you stop to refuel your pack magically gets lighter.  In line with this, make frequent stops for snacks and rehydration.  When I was out in Joshua Tree, I came very close to passing out due to a lack of calories and water.  A smidgen embarrassing when hiking with new friends.  That being said, don't be like me - never feel bad about telling whoever you are with that you need a break.  It will always feel much better than the alternative.  Oh and folks, now is not the time to try to lose those love handles.  For more specifics, REI has a nifty meal planning guide and I've posted some meal ideas here.

4. Be familiar with your gear.

Before starting on a trip, I make a list, lay everything out, and then I set it all up, tent included.  I still manage to forget what some may consider necessities, e.g., flashlight, but at least I know for sure that the main items are functional and packed.  Test out your stove and fuel canisters too if you are bringing them.  Also, while it may seem that you need all the bells and whistles before heading out on a backpacking adventure, I think simple is the best approach.  Who really wants to carry a 30+ lb pack on their back?  Not me.  Setting everything up ahead of time will help you figure out what should stay and what should go.

5. Don't take yourself too seriously.

You are presumably backpacking to have fun and enjoy all the awesomeness that mother nature has to offer.  Embrace it.  I don't know about you but I don't exactly look like a) I know what I am doing or b) that I am remotely attractive while backpacking.  And it just doesn't matter.  I mean you want to have some idea of what you are doing as to prevent injury to yourself, others, and the environment but there's no need to project an image of expertise. Live in the moment and just embrace your inner weirdo.

notes:

- at some point i will make a more official packing list but for now here's some of the gear i use and love: sleeping bag, sleeping pad, stove and windshield (absolute necessity with that stove), hiking boots, and winter hiking boots.  for those of you paying attention, yes those are all rei links and no i don't own stock in the company.  while i definitely shop around for the best price, when it comes to footwear i will only buy from rei.  the kind folks there took back my disgustingly dirty vasque boots after 10+ miles in the dusty desert and two lost toe nails.  my feet are forever grateful for the exchange.

- related to the above note, don't leave home without the ten essentials.  youmight want to learn some basic first aid skills while you are at it.    

- i consider myself a novice backpacker.  there are lots of amazing women (and gents) out there with all sorts of excellent advice.  for inspiration, check out April Sylva, Christy Rosander, and the lovely ladies of @dirtbarbieadventures.

all work and no play

I started work, class, sleep, repeat schedule a couple of weeks ago at which point I figured all fun activities would cease to exist.  I try to be realistic with myself as much as possible so I had gotten it in my brain that life would be, for the time being, all work and no play.  Let me tell you - I require a fair amount of play to maintain my sanity. 

Within three days of committing myself to that schedule, I found myself driving out to LI in search of an adventure.  It just so turned out that my travel buddy was back in New York for the weekend.  I spent the better part of Saturday in her parents’ backyard making a fool of myself while playing around with a GoPro.  And it was glorious.

I realize that this lifestyle adjustment has just started and maybe some people (myself included at times) would view it as a bad sign that I am already escaping but I have decided to place it in the category of self-care.  There really isn’t a substitute for good people and the great outdoors, even when that outdoors is just a backyard swimming pool. 

It’s so easy to feel guilty about not spending every minute of every day being productive.  I know this is especially true in NYC but my guess is that it rings true in most places.  We all love to inform each other of the various plates we’re spinning and I think there’s some sick sense of satisfaction with a fully booked schedule.  We get warped into this mindset of regurgitating the weekly to do lists and our conversations turn into repeating mostly the facts of one’s life rather than the thoughts and feelings that go along with it.  Don’t get me wrong - I think there is value in sharing both aspects of one’s life.  It’s part of how we relate to one another but when I allow myself to go down the rabbit hole of judging myself by what’s written on my CV, it’s a dangerous place and frankly not a very happy one.  And to be completely honest, it leads to a place of judging others as well because if I am managing all the crazy in my life why can’t you get all of your stuff together?  That’s not only unfair but also mean and I would really rather not be a jerk.

With all this in mind, I am embracing my wandering spirit and taking the time for breaks and reprieve.  There’s value in not taking oneself too seriously, at least there is for me, so I am going to focus on pursuing that and worry less about the never-ending list of checkboxes.  Besides which summer time is one of the best times and I need to make sure I get my fill of salt air in my lungs and dirt under my feet.

notes:

- fire island is one of my happy places.  to insert yourself into the beachy pics, take the lirr to patchogue and hop on a ferry to either watch hill or davis park.  you can walk to the ferry terminal from the train station or one of the cabbies there would be happy to give you a ride.

- if you enjoy water-based shenanigans as much as i do, i recommend picking up a gopro.  and by picking one up, i mean saving your pennies because these things are pretty pricey but oh so worth it.

- disclaimer: don’t worry mom, i am still getting my schoolwork done and fulfilling my job responsibilities.

sunken meadow state park, ny

I started classes a couple of weeks ago and I’m not going to lie.  This whole find time to run in between full-time work and full-time school is not going so well.  Actually, finding time to do anything other than my job and classes during the week has proven to be rather difficult.  I spend Friday evenings attempting to reconnect with friends I had to cancel or ignore throughout the week which really does not feel good. (Mea culpa, mea culpa).  That being said, I have managed to sneak in a few runs and activities to keep me a sane person and hopefully somewhat on track for September’s race. 

This past weekend I took advantage of the break in rain and checked out Sunken Meadow State Park out on Long Island.  I am in love.  I have been to this park a few times before when hiking the greenbelt as part of a family Thanksgiving tradition but never to run the trails.  When asking my cousin where he recommended I run this weekend, he immediately replied Sunken Meadow.  And being the swell guy he is, he even mapped out a path for me to make my miles.  Cousins are the best.

He also recommended I arrive at the park early to avoid the picnicking crowds.  I did not follow this advice and somewhat regret that decision.  I saw somewhat because I really love people watching and there were all sorts of people enjoying the outdoors on a very sunny Sunday.  There were families playing soccer and barbecuing up a feast, kids climbing up into the trees, impromptu baseball games using sticks for bats, and music.  So much music. 

As soon as I left the picnic areas and made my way for the trail, the crowds disappeared and I could no longer make out the Latin beats.  Instead I was completely consumed by the LI Sound to my left and the hills up ahead.  Having not run on a trail with any kind of elevation for a few weeks, they burned.  But it also was so much fun just to get out and stretch my legs.  The only other people I saw were a couple going through a proposal/break-up (I’m really not sure which and yes, it was super awkward for me to literally run into it.)  and some disgruntled yogis (shouldn’t that be an oxymoron?).  At the end of my jog, I cooled down on the boardwalk and breathed in some salt air while cooling off with the seaside breeze.  All in all it was a lovely way to spend the afternoon.

 How was your weekend?