how to survive: traveling with your mother

It seems fitting that as we are in this weekend that celebrates all things motherhood that we should talk about our mothers, namely my mother who has accompanied me on many hare-brained and full-brained adventures.  While my family has always made traveling a priority (a perk of having a father who earns a ridiculous amount of miles from work), it wasn’t until after high school that my mom and I started having our own trips without the menfolk.  Side note: there was the epic college road tour of 2002 while I was in high school, but since I have a narcoleptic response to motion sickness and we made that journey via a standard vehicle, I have very few memories.

In the 10+ years we’ve been adventuring together, my mom and I have traveled about in Paris, Poland, Uganda, Tanzania, Singapore, Cambodia, and Vietnam. Not to mention the various weekend trips we’ve taken to visit friends and loved ones here in the States.  Throughout all of this adventuring, we have managed to actually enjoy each other and ourselves on these trips to the extent that we continue to make future plans together.  So if you are thinking about setting out on a trip with your mom, here are some lessons we’ve learned along the way:

1. Be vocal about your needs before you start your trip. 

My mom loves history and story and art and then more history and then even more art… and you see where this is going.  I sometimes think that if it was possible and not creepy that my mom would live in an art museum.  I on the other hand need a whole lot of fresh air and a fair amount of downtime from crowds.  When traveling about in Paris, we made a deal.  In the morning we could go to any museum, exhibit, or the like that my mom desired but in the afternoon we would mosey about a new arrondissement and take advantage of the numerous cafes.  Both of us got what we needed and hurt feelings/unmet expectations were avoided.

2. Embrace alone time. 

Don’t get me wrong.  I love my mom.  It’s just that space is a good thing, even on or especially on a mother/daughter vacation. Make it a point to spend some time wandering about your new locale on your own terms.  This is especially important if you don’t both operate on the same schedule.  Instead of waiting for your travel buddy to wake up, get ready, etc., go outside and stretch your legs.  Hey now, you may even make a new friend during your wanderings.

3. Pursue activities that only make you happy solo.

 In case you are new to this neck-of-the-interwebs, I love to explore the outdoors and have a hard time saying no if it is in any way, shape, or form related to some kind of activity in nature.  My mom enjoys these things but also really appreciates sunbathing with a cold beer and a good book.  In Vietnam, we all were invited to go on a hike through the woods to a waterfall.  Two out of three of us thought that sounded like an excellent idea so my friend and I went and my mom hung out down by the beach.  Happily.  Without resentment. 

4. All you need is love.

Need I say more?  But seriously - you’ve made this decision to travel with your mother so there is a general assumption that she’s a pretty sweet lady.  After all she had something to do with you now being an (almost) adult.  Inevitably, we all get on each other’s nerves at some point but the best response we can have is to choose to assume positive intent.  Because after all we love our mamas and I’m pretty sure they love us too.

notes:

- all these photos are from our trip to cambodia and vietnam.  it was pretty epic.

- what do you say mama, antartica next?

wanderlust wednesday: sarong life

We've had a sneak at warmer weather life here in NYC, and I'm just wishing to live the sarong life today as it rains throughout the afternoon. Truly, what is better than sarong life? It's comfy, you can wear it creatively all day long, and it keeps getting ready in the morning (and at lunch and at dinner) really simple. Roll out of bed, throw on desired bathing suit and sarong, and you're ready for the day. What more could you ask for? 

Oh yeah... you could ask to be back in Thailand as well. In and out of the ocean, all you really need is a bikini, and life is all good. 

Think it would be acceptable to bring sarong life to NYC over the next few months? :) 

Notes:

- sarong life pairs nicely with hammock life as you can see above.

- these photos are from a backpacking trip we took in Thailand in late 2009. we strongly suggest some island hopping if you make it out that way (perfect for sarong life), and if you make it to Koh Phi Phi to stay at the Viking Nature Resort. we want to go back on a daily basis. the [wanderlust] struggle is real. 

- why on earth was i into wearing a white bikini? 

vietnam

As I type this, I am sitting poolside in Hanoi with the sounds of afternoon traffic honking along just outside my retreat. Vietnam has been quite the whirlwind of a trip. Actually the entire past two weeks have been one big blur. And now as I sit and relax for the last few hours of my vacation the thoughts about work to dos and apartment chores and March celebrations are making their way to the forefront of my mind. Why must I always I do that?  So in an effort to stay engaged in the present let's recap a bit of what I loved and loathed in Vietnam. 

The Good: 

Two words. Beach bum. It's no secret that I love salt water so I made sure that at least for part of this trip we were camped out with sand, sun, and sea. We stayed at Jungle Beach and it did not disappoint - bare necessities bungalow, tasty meals, and good company. We had planned on only staying here for a night but the Vietnamese New Year had other plans for us so we ended up here for three nights which was the perfect length of time. 

The Bad:

I am usually a very cautious eater. I inspect my food and have certain standards that it needs to adhere to. When traveling, I usually rely heavily on street food so I can ensure it's piping hot when it reaches my plate. For some reason, I decided to throw caution to the wind a bit in this trip. Why did I do this? My poor stomach has not been happy with me. Note to self: there's good reason for your obsessive tendencies and be wary of lukewarm rice. 

The Ugly:

I pride myself in my ability to fall asleep just about anywhere.  Twelve hour bus ride from Nairobi to Kampala? No problem. Twin propeller plane with chickens in a crate behind my seat and pecking at my ankles? Child's play. I may owe this to a narcoleptic-like response to motion sickness. I've been known to pass out mid roller coaster ride (this is also a great way to really freak out amusement park staff).  However every talent has it's limits and mine is the overnight sleeper bus. Let me try to give a lay of the land to anyone's who has not yet had the privilege of spending 10+ hours in one of these vehicles. There are three rows of seats and two levels. You may lay down or sit partially up but don't even think about bending you knees. It's not going to happen. Also, once those seats are filled that doesn't mean more people can't fit. Those poor, unfortunate souls must be subjected to sleep in the aisle or squish into a storage area with about two feet of height. We used this mode of transit twice (I know. We are gluttons for punishment I tell you.) and if given the choice I will never take one again. 

And yes, I didn't spend all of my time in Vietnam at the beach so here are some honorable mentions: 

Hoi An is a really pretty place. I mean there's a reason it's a UNESCO World Heritage Site. The old part of town still has its port city charm and I've heard you can get some amazing eats here, here, and here. The Tet celebrations were still underway while we were there so these places were all closed but I've heard they're the real deal from fellow travelers. 

Despite being told we would be disappointed, we made the trek from Hoi An to My Son. Yes, it's a trek when it's a bazillion degrees outside and all sorts of humid. But even with the heat and stickiness, I would say it's worth heading out to. The ruins are beautiful especially with the way nature has crept in. Also, you can engage in a bit of a history lesson as there are bomb craters throughout. 

All in all I thoroughly enjoyed my time in Vietnam. I'm going to go out on a limb and say we all did. I mean we are already making plans for the next trip because one week is not enough, especially when this, this, and this have yet to be explored. 

notes:

- in an effort to share thoughts about the businesses we visited without these posts turning into one big review, we've created a tripadvisor account. if you're looking for the lowdown on where we slept, ate, and specifically how we got around town check it out here.

- the vietnamese new year is quite the celebration with lanterns, fireworks, parties, hordes of people, etc. before the new year, everyone travels north to their families and after the new year, everyone travels south back home. if you want to avoid major travel hassles, book well in advance. 

- did i mention my mom came along on this whole cambodia/vietnam adventure? no? well she did and she's awesome. as in completely rocked the random accommodations, questionable food sources, and terrible overnight buses. not many people would sign-up for a trip that's not planned past day 3 of 14 and is likely to include many hostel stays. oh that's right. she didn't sign up for it. my dad and i hatched a plan and sprung it on her 5 days before we left... fortunately she was up for it. those traveling, adventuresome genes run strong. thanks, mom!

cambodia

After 36+ hours of travel since leaving NYC Tuesday morning, we arrived in Siem Reap, Cambodia. Our plane landed in the afternoon and by the time we made our way through the never ending queues of health forms, visas, and customs the sun was beginning to set so we made or way to a rooftop bar and took in the views of the city below while we figured out our next few days. 

The primary purpose of beginning our adventure here was to visit Angkor Wat so the first morning we were in Cambodia we arose before dawn to watch the sunrise with hordes of fellow tourists. (Note: It's worth it. Hang out while the sky turns pink and then get a coffee from one of the many vendors nearby. By the time you are finished most people will have left and the sun will have by now appeared providing you with the picturesque view below.)

After milling about Angkor Wat, we made our way to the surrounding temples in the park imagining what they would have looked like newly constructed. The remains are beautiful in their own right with a mix of sandstone and the creeping in of various flora. Still they must have been quite the show as each successive Khmer king attempted to outdo one another. 

This entrance into Cambodia was in stark contrast to the one from history books, the one centered around Pol Pot and the genocide he brought to Cambodia in the 1970s. The dichotomy of the two perspectives brought up all sorts of thoughts and feelings I did not anticipate feeling.   

I have visited a number of similar locales where the memory of past events is still remains etched in the present.  These places have a pervasive eeriness to them that one cannot shake. The mention of Auschwitz brings back scents of mold and decay and the quiet uneasiness of the visitors moving about a mostly barren landscape dotted with concrete buildings. Imprinted in my brain are the images of rooms filled with human hair and mismatched shoes.  From time spent in Kigali, I am still haunted by the cries of a woman crumpled on the floor as she watched the same sequence of film from the Rwandan genocide over and over again. 

I have no trouble in imaging what took place here in Cambodia. I get it. These images already invade my mefloquine-induced dreams without the added visuals. And I certainly don't want to make someone's memorial my tourist attraction.  Upon arrival, I made it clear to my travel companions that I had no interest in going to the killing fields or subjecting myself to another genocide museum.  

But perhaps I have been missing the point. Perhaps this feeling I have been avoiding is the very thing I should be experiencing. We are supposed to be made uncomfortable by these places. Our very core should shudder at the prospect of abject violence toward one another.  

To write only of the genocide would be unfair as Cambodia has made great strides in the past couple of decades and there are only hints of what previously took place. Siem Reap is a bustling tourist destination with a plethora of places to stay, eat, and explore. Everywhere you look there is new construction for condos, hotels, and businesses. And everyone wants to tell you about the goings on here. Case in point:

- That is the change of Siem Reap. It's going to be the 2nd largest city. It opened to tourism in 1991. At that time 3 hotels but now 123 hotels. In 1991 very few visitors. Only adventurers. Because of fears of instability. Only dusty, dirty roads. Land is now very expensive. -- Ma Chhun

- Our government is concerned about the forests here. You see the trees here. They are finished. -- Chet

- To become a monk have to learn many prayer and skip dinner. Only breakfast and lunch. After become monk learn something good. Become good people. Like god. If I become a monk I cannot earn money. I cannot work. If you want to be good people. Not so hard. If not, very hard. Have to work. Everyday. Long time ago we did not have job. No factory no work. Only rice farm. 15 years ago. 40 years ago. We had no job so people apply to become a monk. But now many jobs so not so many monks. -- Vuthy

I did not spend nearly enough time in Cambodia, barely a week and only in three places, but despite my short visit, it has stayed with me. Thoughts continue to swirl about in my head about the contrast among the merging pasts and the constantly changing present. I guess that just means I'll have to go back. 

notes:

- do not bother exchanging your money to riel. the us dollar is the de facto currency in the main tourist areas (siem reap, phnom penh, etc.)

-  we hired a tuk tuk (20 USD) to get around the angkor archaeological park as the temples are pretty spread out. you could alternatively rent bicycles or perhaps join a tour. if you decide to rent bikes, start very early in the day as it gets so very hot. 

- to enter the temples your knees and shoulders must be covered. this is enforced to varying degrees but plan to be covered up. 

- bring lots of water with you.  It is possible to purchase in the park but it costs at least twice as much. heat = dehydration = no fun.  

southeast asia

When we told you that Santa reads the blog, it was no joke.   Courtesy of the man in the red suit's frequent flyer miles, in less than a week, I am boarding a plane to Singapore and then traveling around Southeast Asia for the next two weeks.  I still kind of don't believe it's true.  

I was last in this neck of the woods with Grace way back in 2009.  She was finishing up a show in Shanghai and I was looking for an excuse to quit my job.  We figured the logical answer to both of those life events was for us to meet up in Bangkok.  In the month between Thanksgiving and Christmas, we made our way around Thailand and Indonesia mostly on the recommendations of fellow travelers and friendly folks who lived in the region.  This is my ideal way to travel - a completely open itinerary.  The drawback to this method is you need a good chunk of time to do it.  As I have attempted to be a responsible adult who pays bills, saves towards retirement, and maintains a job for more than one year at a time, the ability to go off on adventures for an extended period of time is greatly diminished.  

This is not to say that I haven't had some pretty epic trips this past year.  It's just that they have all required a hefty amount of pre-planning, and scheduling, and we must make it here by this day at this time, and etc. When there is all this forethought into a holiday, I can get distracted by the supposed-to-dos and forget that what I am in the midst of in that moment is most important.  Or even worse, I begin to dream up alternative scenarios.  Why do I do that?  Granted nothing ever goes as planned.  Case in point: during #deathbysouthwest, we were not supposed to ride horses out of the Havasu Falls, spend a night in Las Vegas, or hang out at a hot spring in Colorado. 

Still my wanderlust craves a little less rigidness and a little more flying by the seat of one's pants.  With this in mind, I'll soon set out for two weeks of minimal pre-planning adventuring.  I arrive in Singapore on Wednesday, fly to Siem Reap on Thursday and from there who knows where I will end up. 

note:

- these photos are from grace's and my trip to thailand and indonesia in 2009.  in order of appearance, they are the following places:

1-4: ko phi phi don, thailand - yes, everyone and their mother goes here but it is for good reason. beautiful, cheap places to stay on the beach and an island that you can explore by foot or boat.  i recommend both.

5-11: mount bromo, indonesia - on a whim we ended up watching the sunrise over this active volcano and even stayed around to ascend the crater.  bring warm clothing.  we froze until the sun decided to make an appearance. 

12-18: bangkok,  chiang mai, and somewhere between chiang mai and pai, thailand - we met that group of ragtag motorbikers 2 days before that picture was taken.  we all intended to make it to pai but ended up going to a hot spring instead (i know. i have an addiction.)  

19-22: gili islands, indonesia  - these islands off the coast of lombock have no electricity or vehicles.  my dream spot.  minus a run in with a snake.  don't worry - we (the snake and i) were both equally upset by the incident.  the gentleman holding up the tee runs a hostel (funny homestay - he's awesome) and also has a drinking club.  that tee is their official club wear.