montreal, qc

Sometimes NYC can feel restrictive.  As though it is closing in on all sides and I am struggling to stay afloat.  The energy of NYC is both a blessing and a curse.  At its best, it is a motivating, creative force that provides constant inspiration.  At its worst, it is a suffocating power where I feel like I can’t keep up.  The things to do and places to be just can’t be conquered.  It’s never-ending and it seems as though I am the only one lagging behind.

When the universe seems to be conspiring against me, I know it is time to escape and stretch my legs in another locale.  So escape I did with the one-and-only Grace Freeman.  Everyone should have a friend they can plan last minute, detail-less escapades with.

We left NYC on Friday with the grand destination of our neighbor up north with no plans of where to stay or what to do.  We weren’t even sure where we were headed in Canada; it was a toss-up between Montreal and Quebec City.  As we neared the border, we had an offer of a bed by a friend’s friend’s sister.  That’s not a typo.  There were three degrees of separation.  Eight hours after leaving NYC, we were sitting at a table of new friends, sharing dumplings and stories across the table. There’s something beautiful about saying yes.  It’s in the way in which it can instantaneously create community, especially when encountering the unfamiliar. 

The weekend continued to be a scavenger hunt of sorts.  Going from one locale to another based solely on the recommendations from folks we met along the way.  An afternoon of playing dress-up in a thrift store led to poutine and hockey which led to hot chocolate and more hockey… because when in Canada, right? 

To finish off the weekend, we headed to Old Montreal early Sunday morning.  After filling our bellies at Le Cartet, we wandered around the cobblestone streets, taking in the last of the city's sights.  By the way, Montreal has some amazing street art.  I could spend a (warmer) weekend traversing the city blocks in search of graffiti. 

While we may have only been in Montreal for less than 48 hours, it was the perfect excursion.  By the time I was back in my apartment Sunday night, I felt rejuvenated from my weekend of new friends, cozy cafes, and thrift shop exploring.   I think weekend trips may need to be a thing in 2015.

notes:

- in the winter, montreal is cold.  it’s no joke.  be prepared with all the warm clothing you own. i spent the weekend in my winter hiking boots.  warmth > fashion. there's a reason why i look like a burly, bearded man in these pictures.  don't be scared off though.  it’s such a fun place to explore, even in the single digits.

- eva b is the just the coolest thrift store. ever.  i mean they gave us shot glasses of hot apple cider and bags of popcorn as we walked in.  also everyone there is just ridiculously friendly and helpful.  to top it all off they have three floors of everything from 18th century costumes to children's books to dining room furniture.

- st. viateur bagels are delicious and their own category of bagel (don't go in expecting the an nyc bagel).  if you find yourself out drinking into the early hours of the following morning, be sure to grab some on your way home. 

- poutine = fries + gravy + cheese curds.  as per recommendation, we ordered take-out from la banquise and ate it at a bar next door.  doing this avoids waiting in line. outside. in the cold.  take-out plus beer always wins.  

thoughts from my shower

Some days I don't realize what's really happened until I'm taking a shower. Does that ever happen to you? I don't know if it's the running water that soothes and closes off the rest of the world that allows for such clarity to seep in. Or perhaps it's that I finally stop thinking and give myself a break, and all of a sudden my mind is able to connect things together. Anyway, my conclusion: my most cohesive thoughts and clearest ideas often come in the shower. 

Like the other day, I conned my sister to come over to my new place after work...luring her with wine, because I needed her to edit a project for me (she's so fancy like that). What happened? While cooking dinner and chatting, I drank all the wine and Em put together the Ikea couch I had stacked in piles in the corner. She saw it there- I had unpacked it, stacked it up, but obviously hadn't made an attempt to figure it out. I was fine with letting it sit there for days- I had conquered so many to-do lists with the move and my brain was quite fried. I was like: why are beads of sweat coming down her face? I didn't ask her to build it; she just did it. She knew it needed to be done, and, like a boss, took the task into her own hands. (note: I don't think there are many people who could have built this thing solo. Emily, folks...she's an assertive one.)

Every time I anticipate feeling overwhelmed with dealing with so many things by myself, I'm not alone. I've had different people swoop in to force me to purge clothes that for some reason I still have from my high school years in Georgia, accompany me as I unload and explore a new hood, eat cupcakes and champagne with me, send me links to all their favorite apartment ideas, organize me, dance with me, dream with me. Meg is like a mega organizer. Emily is a do-er. Caitlyn stopped by to eat lunch and catch up, and after our (delicious) kale salads, we were on the floor talking the highs and lows of relationships. Meanwhile, I didn't even notice that we were unpacking more boxes and building some lamps. (let there be light!) Like where did all of these angels come from?? Seriously?? #soblessed 

Who needs a boyfriend when your sister can set up your internet on your TV, build your couch and bed, edit your videos, and pick out your wine glasses at Ikea when you're in the middle of a sugar-crash-meltdown after eating 2 bags of Swedish Fish? (Guys, there's like soooo many rooms in that store before you get to the kitchen stuff. Ikea is exhausting. The BIGGEST sugar crash.)

I've always (tried) to prioritize people in my life. I try not to be too distracted with my own world to pick up on when a friend needs me to hop on over with wine in my sweats or send the sensible text filled with messages that only emojis can express. I'm not perfect at it, but I crave to love those dear to me. And when I was in the shower at the end of that day exhaling all the grime-- all the sweat from my 6 layers of clothing I wore out in the snow after dance class and the wine stains that dripped on me accidentally throughout the evening and the residue red lipstick from the biz meeting at the top of the day... I'm like: oh, wait. I may live alone in this new apartment. But I'm not alone.

Oh how I'm loved. Oh how lovely is community and family. They show up to do one thing, and they take care of what needs to be taken care of.

It makes you suddenly realize after shampooing and conditioning your hair (I mean dreadlocks by the end of the day when scarves are involved, am I right?) -- maybe the love you give to others isn't going into the infinite abyss. And maybe the love and care given to me is not going there either. Maybeeeee the love given and received is noticed and it means something. We were planting lupine seeds and we didn't even realize it. It's this wonderful circle effect that I hope keeps on giving.

And on that cold snowy night, when the temperature was barely two digits and the sun was only shining several hours a day... there was so much warmth. I sat on a couch that was built with tunes playing on the TV that I couldn't figure out, drinking wine in my towel after this shower, and I exhaled months of stress. I found a new happy place. 

notes:

- a visit to ikea brooklyn can be a pleasant and cheap field trip. i'd suggest taking the free water taxi, planning to eat once you get there (especially if you're into meatballs), and avoiding the weekends.

- making good friends is not overrated. 

- don't let to-do lists rule your world. 

happy new year

I’m not one for making a big to do over the changing of years.  Usually I slowly accept that one year is coming to an end and then a bit reluctantly make my way into the next.  I would like to blame my lack of enthusiasm on my inability to function past 10 pm but really it is because there is just too much pressure on one night.  Add that to me not being much of a drinker, startling easily from loud noises, and as a general rule avoiding crowds, and my attitude toward the holiday is not surprising.  My favorite New Year’s Eve thus far has been an evening of cooking with a few friends and then lounging in front of a fire while sipping champagne.  We may have even missed the ball dropping (Full disclosure: I didn't even realize what the ball drop was, as in what I was supposed to be paying attention to, until I was about 20 years old.  I grew up in New York.  This should be standard knowledge.)

This year I found myself with a small group of friends, eating too many snacks, and snuggling with a family member’s pup as the new year rang in.   I was grumpy before I made my way over and I was grumpy after.  In fact, I've been kind of a crank pot since this year started.  Not exactly the way we are told to bring in a new year.  If I am following social media trends, the start of a new year should align with me actively pursuing my best self.  The one who makes good choices, eats right, takes time to exercise, loves others well, practices self-care, etc. I have not been my best self though.  I’ve been quick to anger, full of constant complaints, and unhappy with myself and those around me.  In other words, I have been an absolute joy to be around.

I could make up excuses for behaving and thinking this way - the end of Christmas season blues, a succession of personal trials, and feeling letdown by friends - but if I am being honest, it’s time to get over myself and great the new year.  I’ve never been one for resolutions but in light of my current Debbie Downer self, I am thinking of instituting some goals for the year.  Instead of being specific outcomes, I am leaning towards some general principles that I think would encourage a better self and perhaps make me a little bit less focused on what goes on in my own head.

Firstly, I value being a conscientious consumer so I am working towards making purchases from companies that put people and the environment first.  I actually started this back in October but it’s an ongoing process.  The lack of information concerning sources for clothing, food, and skin products is pretty disheartening.  I would have thought with how trendy sustainability and corporate responsibility have become that finding company policies wouldn’t be as difficult as it has proven to be.  Although, a positive outcome from not being able to easily find products that meet my standards means that I have purchased very few things. Ten points for the savings account.

Secondly, I am my happiest when I am outdoors in nature.  However, when I've been holed up in front of a computer all day and it’s cold outside and nature feels so far away from my urban abode, I tend to neglect that part of my life.  I am focusing on making exploration in the great outdoors a priority so that it’s incorporated into my life's rhythms as opposed to being a reward or an escape at the end of the week.

Thirdly, when life gets busy, I have strong hermit tendencies and while I am a tried and true introvert, I need community.  People are social creatures, even us loner types, and hanging out with various types of folks makes us all happier people.  In the past, I've been more of a community consumer than a contributor which allowed me to lazily tag along to someone else's idea rather than be the one to initiate plans.  In light of this recent realization, I've been making a conscious effort to seek out others, especially when I get stuck in a cycle of work, home, bed, repeat.

So those are my 2015 goals - conscientious consumer, pursuer of outdoor adventures, and community contributor. I'm already feeling better about this year.

note:

- these photos were taken on new year's day at Heckscher State Park out on Long Island. it's a great park to cure some of those winter blues or, you know, chat about life's ups and downs with a best friend while taking your brother's dog for a walk.

our favorite 14 of 2014

I know it is nauseatingly cliché but I am finding it hard to believe that the year has just about come to an end.  I don’t know if I am ready for it, but who is ever really ready for it?  So to help ease the transition into 2015, Grace and I have come up with our favorite trips of the past year.

My favorite places this year are (in no particular order):

1. Glacier National Park, MT

Since I was there during the off-season, it had the feeling that my friend and I were alone in the park which was at once enthralling and terrifying.  The silence was only interrupted by the sounds of the mountains thawing and the occasional wildlife (not to mention our amazing singing as bear repellent). 

2. Mount Tamalpais State Park/Point Reyes National Seashore, CA

There is something very special about this strip of the pacific just north of San Francisco.  You can't go wrong with trails that lead you from hillside to lush overgrowth to the beach and back.  Also, an abundance of amazing oysters and a hidden hot spring make this my happy place.

3. Isle au Haut, ME

This quaint, little island off the coast of Maine is only accessible by boat. We explored up and down and along the coast, hopping from rock to rock and keeping an eye out for seals.  Rumor has it there are wild blueberries and raspberries along the paths as well. I only had a day trip there but I fully intend to go back in 2015 and camp a few days.

4. Savage Hart Farm, VT

Last winter my cousins and I had an impromptu ski weekend up in Vermont.  Do this.  Find people you like and trap yourselves in the coziest of accommodations with some good food, booze, and games.  We spent one day at the slopes and the other day at the farm sledding.  Where we stayed had a great sledding hill on the front of the property.  Also, sheep.  Adorable, fluffy sheep. Need I say more?

5. Zion National Park, UT

It’s no secret that I am smitten with Utah, well at least with the southern part I got to ramble around.  Zion was extra special though because not only is it stunningly beautiful to look at but I got to climb up and then rappel down cliffs and canyons.  Since then I've had to get my fix at Brooklyn Boulders but I can't wait to head back outdoors come spring.

6. Havasu Falls, AZ

Nothing can compare to that epic trail to the falls nor just lounging about in the falls themselves.  The water is an incredible color of turquoise and I could easily spend my days exploring about the canyon walls.  Apparently you can make it all the way to the Colorado River by following the falls.  I'll have to work up my courage to try that out next time. 

7. Rincón, PR

I had the great fortune of spending the end of 2013 and the beginning of 2014 in Rincón with my family.  We’re a close bunch and tend to be pretty happy as long as there are waves to surf.  Also, that beach weather helped me get through the brutal winter that followed.  Perhaps some sunshine will be needed this winter too!

Grace here! I'm all about welcoming 2015 with open arms, but I can't deny I dipped my feet in some beautiful places this year. Coming up with my picks, I got to reflect on how much I hopped around for work in 2014... may 2015 bring on more adventures! 

8. Big Sur, CA

I'd have to say, I hope making it to Big Sur is becoming an annual tradition for me. We tagged on a few extra days after a work weekend to hike the redwoods, soak in Highway 1, and consume all the local food and wine. A day I won't forget: watching the sun go down on Pfieffer Beach's purple sand, eyeing the surfers riding the ebb and flow, going over to a local's house on the cliff above for dinner, and seeing 5 shooting stars while soaking in a natural hot bath. 

9. Portland, OR

I only got one night out on the town in Portland, but it's surely a place I'd like to return. It could have been the combination of Voodoo Donuts, strolling through the shops and restaurants, and catching one of the first screenings of HER in an old vintage movie theatre.

10. Sedona, AZ

This place is like a wild west cartoon. Are we really allowed to just hop out of the car and go climb up all the rocks and and on any trail? The answer is yes. It's terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time. I highly suggest checking out Red Rock State Park, Bell Rock, and a dip in Oak Creek Canyon. Also: sunscreen. It's the desert after all. 

11. Martha's Vineyard

I got to spend a Fall weekend in a beautiful home on Martha's Vineyard with several girlfriends while teaching a dance workshop. What's better than ending the day with some wine on the beach in some quality sweater weather? It was such a breath of fresh air, and we had a typically nudie beach all to ourselves. I can't wait to return to it during the summer sunshine when it is inhabited with all of its classy folk (and surfers) during peak season. 

12. Venice Beach, CA

I also had a quick trip to LA while working on a project, and my creative heart is happy (and simultaneously stimulated) when I find my way to Venice Beach. Thus, I strategically made my team wind up there several times over the course of the long weekend...oops. Its graffiti walls, tacky souvenirs, and ocean-skater-yogi vibes during golden hour get my juices flowing when it seems I'm at my wit's end in the concrete jungle. 

13. New Hampshire

Sometimes all you need is to feel small. A quick hike up to West Rattlesnake Mountain where you overlook Squam Lake,  Lake Winnipesaukee, and beyond, and you're reminded there's a large world out there. Makes the restless heart calm again. 

14. Fire Island, NY 

This place may always make our list. And I'm not sorry. Fire Island and the beach (and not needing an airplane to get there) will never disappoint. Meg's family knows how to beach well. They are my people. 

diy christmas project

I finally got around last week to completing a Christmas project that I intended on making last year. Better late than never, right? It made for a good surprise and it was a lovely distraction while I procrastinated packing and purging my old apartment.

I present to you: our girly getaway!

Two summers ago, the three of us took a #girlygetaway for 36 hours. All Caitlyn said she wanted for her birthday was to escape somewhere (!!!don't we all!!!), and we were all like fine. Sign me up. It's stupid that you have to pick a date 6 weeks into the future to plan 36 hours out of the city! Our lives get a hold of our calendars and we wanted to be intentional about getting some time together and seeing the ocean that heals all! We headed to Ocean Beach on Fire Island and had quite a lot of adventures in 36 hours including: getting a flat tire in the middle of the queensboro bridge in 98 degree heat, witnessing the preparations for a beach wedding proposal, getting caught in an island blackout, running into the same newly engaged couple in a bar in that blackout... oh, and getting sunburned. In the middle of all of that somewhere, we had a freeing superhero moment on the beach; an impromptu iPhone photo shoot where we acted the only kind of crazy you can be around the best of friends. We were so free.

I took a screenshot of some of these crazy photos and put it on Instagram (see above), and these two have always said they wished they had a big version of this to walk by in their homes to make them instantly smile on a gray day. (Sign me up again!) 

I knew I couldn't blow the Instagram image up, because the quality would be too low. Instead, I got each individual image and printed it. I ordered minisquares from Social Print Studio; it was $15 for a set of 48, which worked out perfectly for me, as I needed 16 for each frame! (They delivered unbelievably quick too!)  I picked up some square picture frames at a Christmas Tree Shop (like a JoAnn's for us Southern folk) that had a canvas of a golfer inside. They were on clearance for about under $5 each, so I swiped up three of them, one for each of us. I couldn't make one for them and not for me too! I knew if I went to buy picture frames, I'd have to pay wayyyy more, which is silly. I'd either take Mr. Golfer out and lay him to rest or figure out something to do with him.

First, I organized the prints into the order they would appear in the frame. I may have put numbers on the back of them, because I'm a nerd and it could get confusing. I took apart the frames, weaseled my way inside, and realized I needed something to mount all these photos on. So, I removed the canvas, painted it white (Bye Mr. Golfer! It's true, I used you for your house), and stuck the photos on top! You could use heavy tape to do this or decoupage, depending on the frame you find and what you're mounting your photos on. I made sure the seal the back of the frame securely so we wouldn't lose anyone. 

Voila! The girls loved them. I hope they continue to make us smile throughout the winter, that giddy sort of smile, and remember our next DIY summer getaway could be right around the corner!

What can you make the celebrate a travel memory that will also inspire  you to plan your next adventure? I think what I loved about this project was that it wasn't perfect- there isn't a perfect DIY formula, lo siento. Truly do-it-yourself. I didn't even paint properly in the lines. Find a vision, and find a way to blow it up and frame it. Happy Holidays!

winter solstice

I woke up this winter solstice in a brand new place- an apartment all to myself. I signed a new lease Friday, my (amazing) friends helped me move all my stuff Saturday, and we drank champagne out of the bottle Saturday night, giddy with joy, even though I didn’t have lights for half of my apartment, hadn’t unpacked anything, and didn’t even have a couch to sit on. Sunday morning I woke up in my bed, but I was surrounded by foreign white walls- my new clean slate. 

Most of the time, I’m longing for the seasons to change, hoping the next will be better and I can leave my current worries in the rearview mirror. And I know sometimes we want the seasons to shift badly, and they don’t. and that’s disappointing. It’s actually the worst- feeling stuck. You’ve got to sit in an uncomfortable or painful or confusing season for much longer than you feel you’re built for. 

I guess I’m trying to process- that even when seasons seem like they will never change— they will surprise you.

I know moving is not that novel of a thing, but to find a little corner to yourself in Manhattan THAT YOU CAN AFFORD is a huge deal. 

I moved to New York City to be a creative: I came as a dancer and I now pursue that alongside other creative endeavors. However, I know that lifestyle choice is not going to earn me the big bucks. I never saw that as a downfall, though; I almost glamorized the starving artist lifestyle. I love living simply and within my means; it’s given me such freedom. I’ve been living in Washington Heights, and our apartment is cozy, and we've had so many friends from around the world move in and out of that place (their writing is on the wall too!). Living in a 3 bedroom with 4 people sounds crazy to people outside of the city, but to me it was home. I didn’t foresee any houses or luxury apartments in my near future - so why set myself up to be disappointed? I tend to be rather the-glass-is-half-full, so I didn’t want to want what I couldn’t have. 

A few months ago, I got called off a housing lottery list. I’ve been on a soapbox about affordable housing for a few years, strongly referencing THIS ARTICLE by David Byrne, about how NYC was going to change for the worse if all the artists got pushed out because they couldn’t afford to stay here. You get so caught up in surviving in this city and paying your bills, it’s easy to get distracted from pursuing the art that brought you here in the first place. A week before this phone call, I had one of those ugly public cries on the street. I plopped down on a stranger’s stoop and talked to my mom on the phone— I had injured my back and even though I paid a lot of money for health insurance each month, I couldn’t afford to additionally pay to take care of this injury (of course not covered by my insurance). And injuries are even more painful when your art is dance. It broke open a conversation in me that I had never really allowed myself to consider before- maybe it was my time to leave the city. I had put so much time and effort and money into pursuing a performing career- and what was coming out of it? I couldn’t even afford to take care of myself! I sacrificed so many other areas of my life to pursue this career— quality of life, sunshine, better paying job (aka more money for adventures), relationships (have you TRIED dating in the city?) — was it worth it anymore? I think a lot of people in the industry secretly judge people who leave the city, wondering if they gave up. I had decided a long time ago I wouldn’t be one of those…at least not for a while. But I now wondered what was I supposed to do next? Did I really need to start considering a new chapter? I survived here for over 9 years, but it was wearing me down- did i need to waste any more of my years? 

This housing lottery call answered that for me. And I was shocked. I mean I entered this specific lottery a few years ago and forgot about it. It seemed like the stuff urban legends were made of, but for whatever reason I spent a few hours and sent in the application one afternoon in 2012. I was picked out of 30,000 people who applied- and I never win anything! Especially the Wicked lottery. This was an opportunity for a new start, a new neighborhood, a new energy. It is a game changer: long-term affordable housing in midtown NYC? It’s actually better than winning the real lottery in so many ways. Babs (my bike) is not going to know what happened. BYE MTA.

I was careful not to say too much over the past few months, because I actually thought I would jinx it. Seemed too good to be true. (My friend Drew calls it PTSD from auditioning too much - where you could be overqualified for the show and still not book the job, which happens alllll the time. Our logic has been morphed by this crazy business we are in. Thank god audition land does not equal reality in this case.) 

When you’re stuck in a season for so long, you actually start to stop believing it can change. But I woke up yesterday, and the season, despite my disbelief, had changed. It wasn’t a dream. And it also happened to be winter solstice. I love when life is poetic like that.  

I’m embracing a new season heading into 2015 (with pink cupcakes and champagne, like you do). I’m also staring at my new blank slate and trying to figure out what the heck I’m going to do with it. I’ll get back to you on that… 

You may find me down on my knees thanking God for a while before I hop over on Pinterest. 

note:

if you are an artist, or a human, or both (the best kinds!): check out the nyc housing connect site here! apply! what do you have to lose!?